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Jun. 8th, 2005 @ 04:16 pm In search of peace
Wow. Sure was peaceful around here while Bart was off on his vacation, seeing the world from the comfort of the Deermobile. Leaving me here to get pissed off at the world in his wake. And, well, I sure try to stir up a bunch of fury as best as a mutant slug can but at the end of the day a mutant reindeer with a machine gun is just a whole lot more effective at it. So I am happy to let Bart return to his role as Resident Rage Machine while my rage is limited to when the Professor is hogging the bathroom again and I simply Rage Against The Latrine.

But I did manage to work up enough slug anger to get annoyed about the following story. Apparently KFC workers are getting let off the hook even though they were videotaped beating up chickens. Here's the link:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8145415/

Thank goodness for my "Golden Girls" DVDs ... I need calmness and stability.
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Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 10:45 pm Umm ...
Umm ... That was weird. I was just sitting here watching Jennifer Garner in "Alias" when from out of nowhere, Bart came up and gave me a hug. And gave me a bottle of Faygo and said thanks for being a bud.

That was fucked up. I'm sure he'll be back in a few minutes to beat me about the head and start making jokes about my not having a chin. But hey. Whatever. Sometimes Bart can be pretty cool.

Crap! Back to "Alias."
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Mar. 23rd, 2005 @ 04:42 pm The quiz
Okay, so one of Bart's friends sent him this quiz and so he forwarded it on to me. I dunno, a lot of these questions are weird. But I gave it my best shot:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Zee
2. Zippy
3. Sluggalo

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. celinedionrocks
2. sluggalozee
3. smurfalicious23

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm good enough
2. I'm smart enough
3. Doggone it, people like me

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm short
2. I have no nose
3. My slug slime leaves residue

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Slug
2. Human DNA
3. Umm ... garden slug?

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Large feet
2. That they'll cancel "Desperate Housewives"
3. Bart, when he's mad and the microwave oven is nearby

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: (aside from the obvious)
1. My TV
2. My computer
3. Faygo soda

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Insane Clown Posse
2. Twiztid
3. Celine Dion

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
1. "With You," Jessica Simpson (she rules!)
2. "What You Waiting For," Gwen Stefani
3. I Wanna Dance With Somebody--Whitney Houston

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Surfin'! (ocean water, not the Internet)
2. Becoming a Hollywood star
3. Dancing in a nightclub like Gir

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Umm ...
2. A love for "Golden Girls?"
3. A good videogame player

TWO TRUTHS AND TWO LIES: (no particular order)
1. I kick Bart's ass at "Mario Kart"
2. One time I met Gir from "Invader Zim" and he said we could be best friends forever
3. Bart wears Cabbage Patch Kid underwear
4. It takes more than two cans of beer to get me drunk

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Umm ...
2. They're all motherly like Bea Arthur?
3. They buy me snow cones?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Singing show tunes
2. Dancing to Gwen Stefani
3. Being cute

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Experience a mosh pit
2. Meet Bea Arthur
3. Beat up Rudolph The Radioactive Reindeer

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Professional break dancer
2. Professional skateboarder
3. Nielsen TV ratings guy

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. New York (again!)
2. New Orleans
3. France

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Eeew!
2. Eeew again!
3. Having kids would involve having the "s" word! Eew!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Meet Bea Arthur
2. Get married
3. Make babies

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I drive really fast
2. Shooting guns is cool
3. I want to be a rapper someday, too

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I drive really badly
2. I like "The Golden Girls"
3. I like Celine Dion

THREE CRUSHES:
1. No way!
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Mar. 1st, 2005 @ 05:57 pm My beloved "NYPD Blue ..."
Man ... I'll have you all know that the very last episode EVER of "NYPD Blue" is airing tonight and I can't get to the TV because Bart insists on watching his new "Bambi" DVD OVER and OVER and OVER. I mean, come on -- how many special features can there actually BE on that thing? I know it's two discs, but still, dude -- "NYPD Blue." Does anybody have a TV at their place where I can come over and watch, without people screaming about the slimy mutant slug sitting on the couch? Cause that always bums me out when people do that ... Ah, well. The slug gets the short end of the stick again ...
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Feb. 15th, 2005 @ 09:21 am The day after
It's just a barrel of laughs around the house these days. All Bart talks about is his Bambi movie coming to DVD, which is really lame when you think abut it because he already owns the VHS tape and he's worn it out but for cryin' out loud, I don't think there are going to be many new surprises on the DVD unless they go and digitally alter the movie like they did with "Star Wars," and that would suck. Well, it WOULD be kind of cool if they changed Thumper from a bunny to a slug but other than that, leave the CGI at home when it comes to classic movies.

And meanwhile, the Professor's bitching again about how much he hates Valentine's Day, and I can understand except that normally the Professor doesn't even talk about girls because he's so busy with work and so to hear him actually say anything about romance is kinda freaky. Fortunately it's Feb. 15 now so we shouldn't have to hear too much more of it.

Why's it gotta be so hard for a slug to find love?

Gotta go, dude. "Golden Girls" is on.
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Jan. 17th, 2005 @ 01:51 am Sucky shows
Any time you stay up late to watch TV you run the risk of running into something so incredibly god-awful that you will never understand how it got made in the first place. I regularly troll late-night cable hoping for reruns of "Golden Girls" or "Transformers," but usually it's something far, far inferior. Witness today's example: "She Spies."

I flipped through it in time to see a shot of three very nice looking girls walking toward the camera and I'm thinking that someone was remaking "Charlie's Angels," which I thought was kinda cool even though Bart hated it and said it was only good for checking out Cameron Diaz but I disagreed and oh crap! I'm off track. So I just want to include a few random samples of dialogue from this show:

"I take it as a sign of respect. They know that you can't make an omelet without breaking a few human lives."

"I'm having sex with her! Of course she wants to kill me."

"Good thing I didn't wear my atomic heat-seeking pasties!"

Man, the show really blows and its production values are crap and halfway through the episode, a guy takes a poison pill and then immediately dies, I mean, like, the second it passes through his lips (didn't even have time to go down his throat), and I've seen Bart kill enough people to know that it doesn't work that way. And ... umm ... I was going to make a point here but I forget what it was. Oh yeah, "She Spies" sucks and reflects how crappy late-night TV can be. Man, I'm not nearly as good as Bart or the Professor when it comes to talking about stuff I don't like. Oh well.
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Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 10:50 pm Back home ...
So I'm finally back home, and I gotta be honest, although it's kinda nice to be here I'm still feeling a bit bummed out because I totally loved New York and I didn't want to leave but here we are. But I've been telling Bart all about everything and he seemed to think it was cool that I found the NY Juggalos, although he'll never admit it because he gets mad if I find ICP stuff before he does. I think the Professor was getting kind of tired by the end of the week because he doesn't like people so much and he was cool with being there with me for a while but I think he's pretty happy to be back in his lab. As soon as we got home he disappeared in there to check on some experiments and we heard him blow a few things up and so I think he's happy to be back at work messing with chemical DNA and the fabric of life all over again. I guess that's an addiction, sort of like how I'm addicted to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and "Golden Girls" reruns.

So I guess I don't have too much to say today, other than that it's a slow day around the house but I guess any place would feel kinda slow when you compare it to New York and I really hope I get to go back someday. And I'm totally keepin' my Times Square confetti.
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Jan. 3rd, 2005 @ 07:18 pm Last day in the Big Apple ...
Well, today is the Professor and me's last day in New York so we're livin' it up. We went to see this kickass theatre troup called the Upright Citizens Brigade and they perform improv comedy where you just yell out whatever and then they go and do it and they make entire half-hour plays out of it called "Harolds" and they just make it up on the spot. I guess it's kind of like what me and Bart do except that we're not nearly as good when we pretend and it always ends with Bart sticking me in either the microwave or the blender so that part's not so much fun. I think I would rock at improv.

Oh, and I gots good news! There's a whole community of juggalos in New York! I found 'em online at:

http://www.livejournal.com/community/nyjuggalos/

I can't wait to tell Bart! Maybe he'll be so impressed that he'll promise not to stick me into any more kitchen appliances.
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Jan. 1st, 2005 @ 02:23 am New Year's Eve in Times Square!!!
Current Mood: THE WORLD ROCKS!!!
Current Music: Aud Lang Syne
WOWWWWWWWW!!! Me and the Professor just got back to the hotel after our crazy night in Times Square and let me tell you that it totally rocked!!!

So I have all these cool souvenirs now, like a 100-year-anniversary Times Square hat that fit perfectly over my ears. It felt good to get out of that stupid stocking cap. And I put these kick-ass 2005 sunglasses on where the middle zeros are go over your eyes and the "2" is on one side and the "5" is on the other and so with that stuff on my head I totally blended in with everyone else. The Professor was all excited about some old chick named Shirley Jones who was up on stage and talked to the crowd and I guess she was a big actress a long long time ago and plus now she's in "42nd Street" and the Professor thinks she's cool, but I dunno -- she was old and the only older lady for me is Bea Arthur.

Something weird happened. The Professor called Bart and Bart said that Rudolph the radioactive Reindeer was here in NY too and that he was planning to come after me in Times Square. But we never saw him. At first the Professor thought we should try and get out of there but the thing is that in Times Square everybody's packed together really tight and so we couldn't have left even if we wanted to and plus, the Professor said that we can't let our lives be run by fear. Whether it's terrorists or radioactive reindeer. Besides, he said if we tried to leave then it would be a commotion and we'd draw attention to ourselves but as long as we stayed put, we'd blend in with everybody. And so we kicked back and we watched Tom Green do his live broadcast (I even got to high-five him!) and then it finally got to be midnight and confetti was flying everywhere and fireworks were going off and some dude proposed to his girlfriend live on camera and me and the Professor cheered and we blew our noisemakers and it was really really fun and I'll never forget that feeling.

This was waaaaay cooler than drinking beers with Bart in front of the TV like we usually do at New Year's. For once, I broke the mold of mutant life and ventured out and man, there's so much awesome stuff to see in this world! Thanks, Professor, for taking me to NY and letting me see how cool the world is, and thanks to Rudolph for not wreckin' it!!! Man, if that douche had started firing nuclear blasts in the middle of Times Square it would have totally sucked. But he didn't, and I had an awesome time and I have cool souvenirs and I got to see Lindsay Lohan perform and I'll never forget it for as long as I live. And Tom Green is awesome!!!
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Dec. 31st, 2004 @ 12:45 am New Year's Rockin' Eve!
Okay! It's early in the morning, less than 24 hours before the ball drops in Times Square, and I'm so totally gonna be there. I can't sleep, I'm so excited.

We spent the day exploring the city. The disguise the Professor made for me is working great so far -- with my stocking cap and shades and big baggy clothes for my tail, people don't notice me, and even if they do, they just kinda see that I'm really pale white and have huge eyes and no nose, and so they think I'm one of Michael Jackson's kids.

It's all good and I love the city. And I can't wait for New Year's Eve!!!
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Dec. 30th, 2004 @ 03:24 am YAAAAAYYY! I'm in New York, everybody!!!
I told the Professor that for the holidays, I wanted to take a trip to New York and see the new year in Times Square and so we got here today, and the first thing the Professor did was put a ski cap on my head and sunglasses on my face and baggy jeans to cover my tail and then he told everybody I was his 5-year-old and that I'm deformed and stuff and so people left us alone and that was waaaaay cool. One street vendor dude even gave me a free pretzel because he said he felt bad for me and that so totally rocked. Too bad Bart couldn't come, but actually I don't think we could really disguise him and besides, he'd probably just whine and complain and start killing people and that wrecks our vacations every time.

So guess what? The first thing we did was go to this totally sweet play called "The Foreigner," starring the guy who played Inspector Gadget and Ferris Bueller (and who killed Godzilla). So you know right away that a lot of ass is going to be kicked. And it was so awesome that words can't describe it. Like, there was funny dancing and this really pretty girl playing, well, the girl, and this totally funny dude who played a redneck and another funny dude who played, like, this not-so-smart dude except that the main character guy makes it look like he's smart and there was funny stuff and KKK members although I don't really know what the KKK is but the Professor says they're bad people and they get their asses handed to them at the end of the play and so that was cool.

Funny thing was that in order to get the tickets we had to wait in line and it was a good thing that I got there really really early because there were a lot of people behind us and I heard that some of them didn't get in and that sucks for them, but I did and so that makes me cool. And not only that, because we were early for our tickets we had some time to kill and so we went across the street to Toys R Us and there's this totally ass-whuppin' life-size Tyrannosaurus Rex from "Jurassic Park." Plus the Professor bought me a Transformer and really, I want to finish this entry so that I can get back to playing with it and plus our hotel has HBO and and I totally want to see "The Sopranos" because it's cool.

Hope Bart's having fun back at home ...
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Dec. 28th, 2004 @ 01:30 am "The Aviator"
Today Bart and I watched a new movie called "The Aviator," with Leonardo DiCaprio and stuff. It was all about planes and flying around. I didn't really get into it. It was more Bart's speed. He started waxing all philosophical afterwards about following your heart and not letting other people tell you that you're crazy and stuff. Then he went back to cleaning the blood off his M-16 from the other night.

Bart and I just don't have the same movie tastes. I keep asking him to go with me to see the latest "Pokemon" movie but he's totally not into it. I do have a DVD of "Big Money Hustlas" and it totally kicks ass, except for the part where the one chick shows off these really massive boobies and it's kinda gross cause I'm not about that stuff. But I think clowns totally rule.

Anyway, if anyone knows a good movie that you think a mutant slug like me would be all about, tell me about it. I'm, like, totally sick of the Professor's art films. I just wanna see stuff blow up. Oh, yeah -- and good romance movies.

But without the boobies.

P.S. Tonight me and the Professor leave for our vacation to New York City! It's gonna RULE!
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Dec. 27th, 2004 @ 10:59 am OMG this is the coolest thing EVER!
OMG, this is so kickass! I have my own journal. I can write about any little ol' thing my heart desires! :) :) :) :) :) :)

Dude, you have no idea how happy this makes me. Cause, you know, I always feel like Bart and the Professor are way smarter than me. I try to talk to them about stuff, but, like, they don't get it, cause, I mean, I think "Golden Girls" is the most awesome TV show ever, right? Bea Arthur rules! She's like my Grandma. Or at least, what I wish my Grandma was, because, you know, I don't have a grandma, well, I mean, um, I probably do somewhere except that she's probably stuck onm the bottom of someone's shoe because people are mean to slugs and that bums me out because. like, I miss my family, xcept I don't really know my , so Bart and the Professor are pretty much my family, only it kinda sucks when members of your family put you in a blender and hit "Puree," and I get really mad about things like that and so afterwards I'll be sitting there holding my fingers together and hoping that my healing factor eventually reattaches them and so the only comfort that I really get is flipping through reruns and seeing that the Golden Girls are on and then I see Bea Arthur and suddenly life is good.

Man, it's a good thing there's Spellcheck on these journal entries because it makes me look like I'm a good writer and the Professor is always telling me that I talk too much and that I need to choose my sentences more carefully and I really don't know why he says that stuff but I guess it doesn't matter because this is my journal and I rule and slugs rule and life rules and I think that as long as we're talking about things that rule, I think Bea Arthur rocks.

So welcome to my journal everybody!!! Go Juggalos! Go slugs! Go Bea Arthur!!!
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